Sunday, November 26, 2006

So you wanna roll..

Things to consider before your first class...

1. Be agressive: if you're not agressive, you can't pwn n00bs..if you can't pwn n00bs..then what's the fucking point of jiu jitsu right?

2. Slamming is cool: slamming is cool and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The higher belts just like to tell whitebelts slamming is for n00bs, but in reality they know slamming is the key to succesful jiu jitsu competition. So make a statement and slam the first person to pull guard on you, preferably uttering 'HAHAH N00B!' as they stumble around in a near comatose daze.

3. Tapping is for pussies: serio..I don't even have to explain this one. If you tap, you might as well hand over your balls right now.

4. Cardio is for the weak: to be succesful at jiu jitsu, you need muscle..not cardio. Look, who needs an hour of gas if it only takes you 30 seconds to crumple up and pwn n00bs? right? Hammerhouse. HAMMERHOUSE!

5. Three pop rule: it takes three pops before you hurt anything..that gives you two whole pops of grunting and teeth grinding. Check out Randleman's last pride performance for reference material.


Anonymous said...


Maha-mantra das said...

Fuck you are funny man. This reminds me of one fight from my last tournament, the Australian Champions Cup, where I pulled guard on the poor guy and immediately sunk an inverted armbar after grabbing an overhook on his arm and popping a leg over his head. the first pop was about ten seconds into the match. I let the pressure go presuming he would tap, but the shocker didn't tap. I freaked out that the bitch didn't tap so I thrust my hips up to heaven while hearing his sqeals while his elbow popped for the 2nd and 3rd time. seems like he may have read your blog the morning of the comp or something.


Anonymous said...

what an asshole. It's disrespectful fucks like you that have caused the loss of honor in jujutsu. If you think ego based competition is the cause of the development of jujutsu or any bujutsu for that matter you really need to pluck your head from your ass.